September 10th, 2017.

Drove with N to Roskilde, where we picked up a used Kildemoes bicycle for him. 7-speed, much lighter than the steal-framed beast he’s been using until now. Pissed down the near entire day, so never did get out after having picked it up – but had a great outing, downing french hotdogs and such and talking about this and that, and listening to MyRock at 92.7 on the FM dial. Came Sunday, V took him to the local BMX park where he surprised her, and likely himself as well, by doing lap after lap after lap. Two hour’s worth and she had to near drag him away – so I dare say the purchase proved a huge succes.

Worked overtime Sunday, nothing too troublesome and whilst my work-machine was cooking up some data I was able to take a crack at my own stuff – much, much more interesting than regular work. I do suffer with lack of motivation, these days, I must confess.

So N had seen some Minecraft-animation videos on YouTube, in which the main protaganist’s dog dies by the hands of an evil witch. Which was apparently enough to get him contemplating on life and death and all that’s in between. So I got back from the local auto-shop (installed their new printer) at nine o’clock and he was crying like a baby, worrying about his mum and dad dying. Took until 22 before he was asleep, poor thing. The world’s a big place, and he’ll only get older and bigger and worry and think about this more and more, and there’s not much shielding him. I was telling him that he needn’t worry, his mum and dad would be around for 50 years more. But of course there’s never any knowing. And V’s big examination at that private hospital is tomorrow. And, and and.

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September 8th, 2017.

Birthday, mine. 43 years of age. At home the family had a cake prepared. Presents. A good day. Though rainy, all day long.

Read an article on ‘Imposter syndrome’, of which I seem to suffer. ‘S true; I’m constantly thinking I’m a bit of a fraud, that others know something I don’t and are much better prepared for their craft than I. And that I’ll be found out, right soon. What’s even funnier, of course, is the time I put into my public LinkedIn-profile, of which I boast of my skills. Such a performance-artist, I am. So I’m trying to write this app, to bring forth on some app-store in order to secure a second revenue stream, and looking up whichever bit of information that I need, and it seems that’s every damn code-line I write, that I’m robbing from someone else. Ah, well… There’ll be a product in the end. I’m likely not as horrid a developer as I reckon, though certainly not as proficient as that public profile makes me out to be.

September 4th, 2017.

Attended the annual flea-market for kids, made it a family event. Lavished presents upon them, toys and books at bargain prices. In particular some LEGO Dimensions elements were found cheap, got at least a thousand crowns’ worth for 150. And for myself, two Bruce Springsteen albums at a measly price of two(!) crowns a piece. Nice weather, unlike last year. Came back and played around with the stuff and didn’t do much else with the day, apart from picking up two black table-tops for the kitchen. And being generally sick, am guessing it’s the common cold that’s bugging me. Still going to work because, well, I can think and I can breathe and (not necessarily in that order) that’s really what one needs to go to work. Macho, macho man that I am.

August 31st, 2017.

‘Interesting’ few days behind us; N had some severe troubles in going to school, palpable reactions included crying, shaking, sneezing. Apparently he’d gotten in a tussle with his best friend, Alexander, and felt betrayed and uneasy about seeing him again. Couple that with some near a week’s staying at home, that was seemingly enough to trigger what I’ll describe as anxiety-attacks. Poor guy. In the end the only thing to do, in order to unravel that nest of emotions, was to take the bull by the horns and get him there. So I did, and it went well enough. All those emotions… like a flood-gate opened. It’s clear we’ll need turn his attention to other kids, it’s not a healthy relationship he’s gotten into with this other kid and he’s too sensitive to only have 1 friend. I’ve no doubt he’ll get there in the end, thought perhaps that’s in second grade. He’s still too erratic in his behaviour that I can predict anything, I have no idea what goes on up there; he’s never giving much away, and asking him what’s up is akin to reading a newspaper on a stormy Monday. So it’s hard to foresee what’s the best course of action we should take, but I’m pretty certain it includes finding some other kids to open his eyes up to. Let’s see how the next days’ fare – he’s constantly quizzing us ‘am I going to go to school tomorrow?’, which is just a sign that we’ll need to toughen a bit up on that mental attitude, as we’ve gone easy on him in that regard; the luxury of having a stay-at-home mum gets to us, at times. In ways I’m glad this kind of thing came up, as it’ll hopefully trigger a long-term memory of how people – including one’s best friend – aren’t always up to snuff, and that one needs to be mentall prepared for that.

V refers, in concidence, of a long talk with one of her friends who’s the victim of mental and, at times, physical abuse. Such a bad situation for that couple, they’ve become intwined in their roles and nothing shy of the kids moving out or the husband accidentally dropping dead will liberate her. It’s a true tough-spot for her; the husband is quite obviously suffering from Asperberger’s disease, nothing in the house may be moved or altered in any way, lest he freaks out, unable to handle it. So we talked about it at length, feeling sorry for her, for her kids, for the world, and in the end feeling good about ourselves, about the strength of our relationships. Downright enough to make me feel somewhat guilty for feeding off her troubles. But it’s true what they say, the strong feed on the feeble and it’s in times like this, when the world calls in to report of its sorrows, that we become grateful for what we have, that we want to keep on having and protecting. Hope it works out for her, but have my sorry doubts.

K attends the first class of her new youth-school activity, ‘AniLab’, short for animation laboratory. Went very well, in her own words they’re all geeks and nerds and got along great, despite their differences in age. So I hope she takes that away from it, like I always told her, that when she gets in a group of like-minded individuals there’s all kinds of basis for going on to achieve the best one can possible achieve. Unlike – sadly – school, where one does get a say in whom one gets to work with. I wish it would be true how there was great learning in that, too, in collaborating with those one had not the first notion of collaborating with, but in our day and age there’s a huge disconnect between groups, specifically those who wants to engage with the school and those who don’t. So, happy for her that’s she’s discovered some who shares her interests.

Attended a second rounds of talks with SKAT, with whom I’ve applied for a job. Went alright methinks, though of course there’s always the issue of salary, of how one checks out against the competition, so on and so forth. Think I made a dent, but not sure if it’ll suffice. But let’s see how that goes. Nice experience, as always. And if all fails there’re fallbacks. One should always have a fallback to, well, you know.

August 24th, 2017.

Man, knackered as heck. Cat brought a mouse inside the house at 3 o’clock, and only I sleep light enough to wake up and hunt it down – not that I succeeded. I so dream of a time when the’re not animals to wake me up by mice or by snoring, when I can sleep until I’m fully rested and when I don’t have to preside over someone else’s bedtime. That’ll be the day. If ever.

August 22nd, 2017.

Met up with Kenn, at his behalf, for a matinee-screening of ‘Dunkirk’ at the Imperial. Was glad I did; had wanted to try and avoid it, but it turned out okay. He’s not the big talker, but he seemed content to listen to my ramblings, and I had apparently a need to rid myself of some I’ve been keeping to myself…? So good therapy, he was very symphathetic. He’s full of surplus, he reeks of it, lucky sod. The movie was good, too, and I hadn’t been to the Imperial for many years, even. Hasn’t changed a lot, if at all. As with all the theatres, no-one sells you a ticket anymore – you have to make friends with the machine that dispenses the admissions. What will friend-less people do, in our future age? No one will there to serve them personal interaction. It’s a sad state of affairs. Was glad he made the contact, will try and be the one who does it, next time out.

V’s fretting so, about that irregular bleeding downstairs, so to speak. Am thinking – hoping, praying – she’s overly concerned as per her usual, and being dramatic about it because she’d rather pay the emotional cost up front; this way she’s prepared herself for the worst, and so if that should happen, well she’d be equipped. So glad money’s not the issue here, preventing her from going to the private sector when the public won’t suffice – so she’s got a date, 12th of September, where she’ll be checked by dr. amazing, at the Hamlet private hospital. This is, in turn, what I prepared for, in hiding those odd grand I got from the sale of the company.

Heard – finally – from the IRS: I’m through to the second rounds of talk in regards to that job, albeit there’s a test that needs aceing, first. There’s always a test, isn’t there… Ridiculous. At least it’s technical in nature, this time around. Am glad I made it thus far. A liberating sensation, having waited so many days beyond the first interview.

August 18th, 2017.

Went to a company-sporting event, a 3-person triathlon. Did the running part, 4 kilometers, in a very decent time. Gave it my all, and should stop doing that, really. Getting too old for it, gunning for the flag, heaving for breath, pondering a stroke. Signed up for the fun and games of it all, but when the rest of the bunch are dia-hard competitors and racers in the hearts, well it’s tough to just lay back and proclaim you’re just there to enjoy the scene. So did my bit, and was glad when it was over. Actually was glad I did it, period. The trip on the Metro and the generic ‘Coffee-break’ playlist on Spotify and the boardwalk out there – Amager Strand – set off a lot of emotions within me. It’s good to get out and about once in a while, isn’t it, and I guess a lot of factors just came together to suddenly enable some good ol’ fashioned dreaming. I was looking to the neat apartment-buildings overlooking the water, and found myself contemplating going international at some point. There are still so and so many projects I want to design and build, and I still want to see me the World some more. What will it take for that to become a reality, I wonder?