23-08-2001

Most quiet days at work. Near feeling guilty of having very little to do; reimbursing by studying new areas of interest, quite possibly for use in the future. But let’s see how it goes; in any which way am sure to be in over my head only first thing in the next month, where the big Autumn assignments fall. ~~~ Bits and pieces of studying at home, though not to my liking; all intentions are on my side to sit down and make something of my time, but with less than experience I suffer the torment of always going in search of information, spending valuable time picking and probing, or, even worse, sifting through other people’s code for lines of personal use. Where I should be proud and spend the time, experiment… Yet it aludes me, I’m afraid. There’s the manual in front of me, only the documentation is already outdated and I’m terribly lacking in fundemental understanding of the concepts. Bothers me, highly. Do not like to waste my time. Of course that’s the inexperienced man adressing his concern; am well aware that, given time, the experience will come to me, as well as the knowledge. But, my God, the time… So much of it. The time spent now will be compensated for in the future, I know, still it’s not a hands-on feeling that I do long for, every time I find myself in one of these ineffective bouts. No way near an optimized process, as I’m used to it from work or reading, or running, or whatever. Ah, the thoughts of one depraved of the succes he was looking for in the present day. Soon there’ll be enough to do with my time and these thoughts will go away. Looking forward hereto. ~~~ Did away with ‘To the Lighthouse’. A very good book. About regaining a sense of purpose. As she, Woolf, seems to have it, one such is found in serving whatever one conforms to. It’s a vivid description of thoughts of happiness crossed by sudden doubts, followed by practical measure enough to keep one busy before it’s again time to look around oneself and note how much one possesses. No argument here; good to have a purpose in life. And of course whenever it goes away, one will have to find it. The symbol of the lighthouse is really rather unmistakeable and, well, a dead give-away. Very reaffirming novel. On another note it’s a superb read, has me wondering (as always) as to why on earth I haven’t gone in search of her before. Scared off by rumors of an overt feministic view, and a pen marred by fits of occasional fits of severe depression. Yet what I find is only a marvellously con­structed work. Imaginative and fluent. And a very good book. ~~~ Autumn is here. Sensed the other day around; overcast and I forget the reason I began to doubt the Summer. A trifle early, perhaps, still the sensation was unmistakable. Time, naturally, is on my side. In more ways than one; await the cooler climate. A grand Summer by every account, offered up things I’ve never experienced before and am very much the richer by it. Faded out, sts. Brief visit by Sis, staying over so as not to have to travel a greater distance to work during her weekend. And was greeted by Thor, found the time in his busy schedule to have a beer and a talk.

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