10-10-2002

To Milo and back, on my back the girlfriend’s backpack with more books and stuff for the shelves. Have really carried what seems like a hundred loads back and forth, but still she seems to find more and more. It’s the do-not-dare-to-throw-anything-at-all-what-so-ever-away-syndrome, and where I do not particularly find any reason in this kind of gathering of things one’ll put away in the attic and never use, I am able to appreci­ate that she should possess this habit. I even think it makes her the more attractive – it’s such a feminine trait, isn’t it. Think the anxiety she’s felt over the past months is subsiding, has been subsiding for a while. She’s swallowed the notion, i.e., of living with someone else. A matter of time, of course, but for one with her experience in relationships, I’m surprised she harbored these fears. But just maybe there’s a compliment in there, somewhere, precisely in terms of what she’s tried or haven’t tried before. Or, rather, how far she’s been willing to trust before. At least I believe that’s a subtle indication, if not wishful thinking of mine. At any rate the end result stays the same, and I look forward to taking it to the next level. Have a fair idea in my mind of where I’d like to go from here, and, well, it all starts just about now. The next level. Or, better phrased, moving up in the world. With a smile on my face and a love in my heart, even. Who’s a luckier man than I? ~~~ Brief appearence by Thor, summoned by my phone call in need of help with putting my computer together. Brought Bo with him, and seems like he’s the one to put the pieces back together. Ah, well… as much as remains possible, at this point. Unsure of how much that much is, really, in as much as the suddenness of the recognition of our differences came as abrupt as anything. Might have lulled myself into a bit of a nap, there. Maybe out of a need of having a familiar face around the new habitat. Not a promising situa­tion, when the truth refers to a difference in lifestyles and opinions too difficult to conquer, I think. Our priorities were perhaps the same when we first encountered, yet over the years mine have shifted tremendously where I do not see any bit of change in his. At least, not in what I see of him. The relevation came as a surprise, yes, albeit a welcome one. Will be seeing less of him, and these occasions will as much as possible be at his discretion. Will look forward to them in as much as the company is as good as always, yet be as least philosophical as possible and look no further than the good company. Preferably with Thor in the middle. To prevent myself from adding more than’s needed, as I still carry that stupid old habit around, habit of copying talk and trait of those I meet. In time I’ll shake it, and it will take me less time than I should think, even looking back at how long I’ve been utilizing this involuntary hobbby of mine. No danger here; she’ll set me straight, for sure. So much good she does me, and she’s likely to never know it fully. In conclusion, this disagreement of his and mine has found me welcoming the chance of furthering vital decisions, and I’m altogether happy about it. These are not easy decision to make, but being more of a man independant of the ideas of others most certainly increases my chances of making them right. In as much as I’ve already made them and feel comfortable in my decisions, I would like to think I’m on to something true, towards the future and towards myself alike. ~~~ Tomorrow Friday. Am hoping for a quiet day.

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