14-12-2002

Good Friday preceeding. Saw progress on my project at work and didn’t find it so easy, as days of late have found it, to doze off and almost fall asleep in my chair. Saved by a cup of coffee, possibly. My period of hibernation setting in, perhaps? More rest is needed, the colder it gets. Or what have you. Got back and let the bird out to roam for some two and a half hours, to its grand amusement, I think. Then joined Thor and Bo for a drink and a chat at the Bishops Arms. Turned over this and that and left into a bitterly cold December night. Frost on every tree. Might find more of these sessions with my upcoming holiday, I hope. Enjoyed myself for a while; No obligations, as the girlfriend was out on the town with colleagues of hers. Good to be alone for a little while. Have been in need of that. ~~~ Saw my package arrive, care of the Swedish postal service. Charged me some percentages consumers’ tax I hadn’t counted on, but should’ve had, as I ordered the books from the U.S. and not Great Britain. Everything one could need over a prolonged holi­day, the serious and the laid back in one singular shipment. My bit of practical philosophy and a volume of scattered thoughts by Einstein. On the latter I can only note how even his scattered thoughts should be worth my while in studying. Frost and Eliot worth of poems, Horner for his music. Some basic astronomy and a movie, the ‘Playing by Heart’ I saw and so liked back a while. And, almost most notably, ‘9 stories’ by J.D. Salinger. Halfway through it by now, enough pages turned to confirm: it’s awfully good. Some add in my e-mailbox offered me a compendium of his work, I might even send for it. At any rate, was happy to have received my order so quickly; had thought it would take much, much longer. A grand Christmas present at my own care; they seem to increase in proportion with every passing birth of Christ. Next year will probably buy myself a car. About that mentioned time of year, am almost through the shopping. The great thing about not caring about ones family beyond the scope of ones parents and sibling is the advantages gained over those who are forced to roam the streets in search of so and so great the number of presents for people they may not even like, yet feel compelled to donate to in compensation of their – undesired – company. Were in town – Copenhagen – this Saturday, out with the girlfriend, and the crowd, well it’s unbelieveable. Were I alone ni this there’s not a chance in hell I would’ve ever ventured out into this; much grander to arrive back home in Jutland a bit early and walk familiar streets with a wonderful ease and sense of space to it. Will do that, incidentally, this year also, by the looks of it I’ll be back late afternoon on the twentyfirst. Will enjoy that, very much so. But am getting ahead of myself. Wanted to stress how I’m near free of my fear of crowds, the effect of living in Copenhagen for so long. Have perhaps mentio­ned this in another entry at one time, but am so suitably impres­sed with myself I’ll bring out the fact again. Just where and when the effect set in I’ll leave involuntarily undisclosed. But good to be rid of it; has bothered me enough as is. ~~~ Many events come and gone since last entry. Have too often missed the chance to ponder them in entries, for reason of laziness more than what else. Wanted to brush up on my programming skills towards an investment in the course-project, wherefore instead of the notebook – and thus the opportunities of these entries – I brought with me on the train a book on that particular subject. Alas, given the mentioned drowsiness have more often than not fallen asleep in my seat instead of studying. Could’ve sworn I would never do that, was never one for’t. What I neglect in studying I try to compensate for in practical work. It’s great fun, programming, I do enjoy putting the jigsaw that it is together from scratch. Going from z to a, somewhat, in tending to the implementation before gathering requirements or analyzing one bit of it, but it’s what I need right now, to get in and get some work done, like I said brush up on the practicalities. The rest of it will wait till I’m ready. Good progress indicates I’ll be eligible for my certificate around February’s close, which would suit me perfectly. ~~~ Not too bad on the financial side of life. Suffered more from paying off that twenty-five thousand on the loan than I’d thought I would, but that’s due to events beyond my control rather than a bad disposition on my part. Haven’t seen my overtime pay as yet; bothers me slightly, but am not in a posi­tion to complain about it, as the boss is currently procuring a new laptop for himself, with myself inheriting his used one. So won’t bring it up just now, rather wait till the end of January in which case, if no payment has found my account, pressure will be brought to bear. And lend Bo some four thousand, an obligation he’ll fulfill in three months’ time. Haven’t secured a job yet, so he’s back on the temp-track, sts. Whatever reinstates me my investment is fine by me. Furthermore, the girlfriend found bad luck in having her purse snatched in some crowded store – the anathema of Christmas shopping. So lend her, also, four thousand. Leaves me with four plus four plus eight – overtime pay – thou­sand equals sixteen thousand I would’ve liked to dispose over but can wait to get my hands on. With half of December on its way can sit back and relax and wait till the next paycheck arrives at the end of the month. All deemed necessary expenses paid in full. ~~~ Remembered the night I slept in dad’s car, the old Toyota, in Aalborg, after a party at Rasmus’. Think it was his moving-in party. Don’t know why I came to think of it. Perhaps because some scent in the cold air reminded me of the time. Bitterly cold it was. Think I woke up around five or six o’clock, icy cold. Dead drunk; remember having a cabbie drive me fifty or so meters to some destination I’d walked past several times yet managed to miss completely. Didn’t see him many times after that, Rasmus. A handful of occasions, I think. At the time probably jaloux at him because of his Charlotte, and his job, where I’d not finished my eduction. Still haven’t, but sonn will. Also didn’t care for his attitude towards women, particularly the one he was with at the time. But then again they may have been made for each other – for the time they were together, i.e. From a sudden notion looked up the internet-site for the old hang-out, which has apparently been renamed and relocated. But still his picture was there, from a recent visit. Slightly different hairstyle, same tight shirt, same beer in his hand, same friends hanging on to him. Best of luck to him. Believe he might come to need it, eventually. ~~~ Bad, bad state of health. Ran to meet Thor at some bar and my calves contracted at the effort – a third of a mile, perhaps a bit more. So looking forward to getting back out and straigh­tening things out. Need new shoes, will see to it. After the turn of the year. ~~~ Few not-so-grand days in the girlfriend’s company. Have difficulty in setting my feet right. If provoked will say the most outragious things, at the top of my head. Well aware of the complications that will arise but unwilling to let the occasion pass me by. But it’s a generally bad idea, for this kind of sarsasm never goes down well with her, never that I’d expect it to. Too many conflicts lurk in her lack of self-esteem. The reaction from not being able to fully understand a clerk with the local railways-office, for instance, believing others to conceive her as stupid and reacting with tears of anger and frustration. Where others would shrug and let it pass. I gather it severely contrasts us, in as much as I’ve a tremendous, slightly arrogant, even, faith in myself and my ability to act by a sense of logic in all situations such as the above-mentio­ned. Very unsure if I’m what she needs; someone with a believe in himself so carved in stone that whenever she’s with me, self-doubt irrepressably creeps in and diminishes what belief in herself she holds on to? Very much unsure of it. Too unsure, in fa
ct. ~~~ Tomorrow Monday. Last of the working weeks of the year. Time to close up shop and arrange what needs be for Anja, student aide, assuming command in my absense. Should prove an easy feat, I hope. Monday. Am hoping for a quiet day.

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