15-07-2003

Up and at work. Could’ve slept in; felt like it, certainly. But where’s the charm in that. Good day at work, though as hot as yesterday. Girlfriend called to hear how it was going, and to tell she’s coming back tomorrow. Will be good to have her around again, I trust. Mailed the letter to granddad, ninety-five on the twenty-first. Ninety-five. Imagine that. What a lifetime. Ninety-five. Hadn’t much to report, sadly, felt my letter was a bit boring. Keeping them posted on current affairs, but would rather have put in a little less about myself. Still, as I know hardly anything about their daily lives, it’s hard to bring that up as a subject. Only hope it finds them well. Back by later than usual, on account of talking with Lars. In the evening watched a film, ‘Tears of the Sun’, action-drama with Bruce Willis. Decent enough, two hours’ worth. ~~~ Okay, so she’s pregnant, and by the looks of it, it’s not going to go away, so I had better start dealing with the notion. Several things must be included in this, might as well go at them one by one. Financial concerns first and foremost. Where it’s true that a one-man income will finance an adventure such as this, it’s also true that two people make more money than one. The old man got away with it because he apparently never gave much concern as to saving for a rainy day – they never amassed a savings of any potential safe for the ones they offered both of us, Sis and I, and God bless them for that. True, though, mum did assist in money matters when she was able, probably just as well to get out of the house and feel more useful at times. Still, they did it mostly on his salary, and still they made it work, and they were harder in than we’ll be, so there’s no question that it can be done. Now, what we need to remove all concerns in that direction is to reinstate Vibeke’s income, despite the fact that she’s quitting her job as of September first. So there’re a few rules to figure out; now that’s she’s paid to that unemployment in­surance company all this time, there’s no need why she should let this investment go – not for the sake of I, who am willing to go a long way to ensure that the budget will hold. For example, be willing to move from here. Though I haven’t lived here for the two years I planned before moving out, the motive behind that thought was originally investment-purposes, and by the looks of it I’ll be able to rent out the place and thus stick by it until it was meant to be sold. No, what is needed right now is a shift back to Denmark, where she may consult Danish doctors and under­stand what they’re talking about, a worthy priority of hers, and hopefully a shift to a place with just a little bit more space, perhaps just an extra room, for the incidentals about to enter the scene. A shift to some financial aid from her organisation and from the government, and basically a shift from a load of uncertainties and ‘what if’s’ that we could both well do without. Make it sound like it’s all by her wish, though this is not the truth entire: I think I would welcome the move, as, with all that’s been going down over the last quarter of a year or so, this place is ad­mittingly beginning to get to me. Just a bit. One thing to consider in planning ahead: the priority of mine, to establish a business of my own within the end of the next some three-hundred and sixty-five days. Needs to be in the equation, as it’ll affect us both, not just I. Well, I’m most thankful that the invest­ment – moving here to Malmo – has already paid off handsomely. The apartment is now worth some five-hundred thou­sand, which equals some four-hundred thousand Danish crowns. I could take this and lay it all to waste in a feeble attempt to not let this life pass me by without at least trying to stand on my own two feet in the world of commerce – and still be able to let it go and claim ‘well, that didn’t work but at least I tried it’ and get a regular job and make the budget anyway. It’s a grand comfort to have this kind of money in the bank, or at least as close to a bank as possible, as it ensures I’ll get around to my own priorities without having to drag some burden of a debt around with me for the rest of my life. I could try my hand at this and go bust and still keep my head reasonably high; where others are far less lucky, and must bow their head with every loan-payment out of their monthly paycheque. So, all in all, I can’t think of being more financially secure. One or two prac­tical matters must find their time and place, but then the road will be clear up ahead, so to speak. Should really get started on some kind of future budget, look to house-adds to get me going and calculating. Wouldn’t hurt one bit to be well prepared, and know what I’m – we’re – dealing with. Good enough. Now, others things to consider: My personal feelings about this venture, and how I’ll deal with being a father and what ghosts I’ll need to drag out of the closet and deal with before I’m fully ready to be a dad. I can think of the first few, well, the first twenty at least, and it’s clear I’ll have to get some serious thinking done about all of it. Part of it will go down during my holiday; foresee long talks with mum, about my growing up and her and mine relationship in that period. The thing is, I’ve always prided myself with having such a great childhood I wished it for everyo­ne I met, but of late I’ve also remembered more of the tough times, financially, and I’m not entirely devoid of delving into that matter deeper – if I’m to be a father, it’s even my respon­sibility, I think. Won’t shy from it, especially as it means I’ll get behind a great number of concerns that I can’t really put to any usefulness. So now that I’ve dealth with the financial worries, that’ll be the topic of returning entries. Ghosts and the closets I’ll find them inside of. ~~~ Tomorrow Thursday. Will find Vibeke back from her bizarre trip to her folks’. Must remember to have her help me bring the large bird-cage with me to work, so that I might ship it out to the man who bought it, somewhere in Jutland, I think. Also it’s time for another run, perhaps by the route Thor showed me. Thursday being a working day, also. Am hoping for a quiet day.

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