26-07-2003

Eventful past seven days. Journeyed outwards and inwards alike; don’t know how much I gained in experience, though. Suppose in both cases I achieved some kind of status? ~~~ Visited the island of Bornholm with cousin Thor. Hardworking days; walked back and forth with a tent and other gear on our backs, and must admit to having overestimated our current strenghts. Found some good moments and memories in the scenery and our efforts, and I couldn’t’ve found a better man for the job than he. Walked to Dueodde from Roenne, some thirty kilometers to wear us out entirely; whence we learned of the overestimation, and found us glad that we had not decided to perform the same stunt in the mountains, up North. Had dinner and did public transportation to the Paradisbakkerne, where we very lucky enough to find a suitable pay-per-night place to put the tent up. Horrible night’s rest; Bornholm, it seems, is not made out of rock for no apparent reason. Inticing tourists to spend the night at hotels and hostels will forever remain a perfectly valid one for my money. Packed up and made for Nexoe, where solid breakfast was a warm welcome from last night’s candy-diet dinner. Had in mind to rent a two-person scooter, but alas none were left. Instead did public transportation to our hostel, which had kindly enough agreed to move our date one up. Located in Svaneke, same hostels I used for the marathon, near three years ago. Good to establish a human base once again. Took the bus to Gudhjem, from there walked to the rock formations at the Bornholmerpladsen. A bus home and went out in the evening for a great steak dinner, in Svaneke. Slept like a rock formation myself, till ’twas time to get up and get out on the ferry, homewards. Three days that were originally two, yet substracted one out of sheer fatique. Next till will organize according to those experience, as we saw very little, sadly, of what was originally planned. Still: I enjoyed the time, thought it well spent. What a great guy, this. By the girlfriend’s advice tried to have him open up a little, but he did not follow my leads so I took that as he’s doing alright for himself. Will not pressure him into disclosing what he doesn’t find constitues an issue. Enjoyed the hours, kidding around, addressing no-one and nothing in particular, enjoyed the company and the amazing sunsets and getting my legs and arms burned to a crisp (almost) by the sun, the shadows and the water and all. Will we do this again, I’d jump at the chance. ~~~ Came back and, as previously revealed in brief conversations on the phone, the girlfriend was not feeling well. Feeling queasy, and having thrown up for a couple of days, she certainly experiences the physical upshot of being pregnant. Yup, it’s official and outthere, and I must say that despite a certain nervous tick I’m hopefully at a place where I’m ‘down with it’, so to speak, i.e. though I may be less than ready (who can say they’re ready, when they don’t know what they’re ready for?) than I’d like – an impossibility in this matter – I’ve at the least arrived at an agreement with the time ahead, on this point. Have begun to arrange the practical measure towards the event, such as renting the apartment out and securing new quarters, and it’s good to have these things to tend to; something I can do, put my hands on. On another, similar positive note, I’m getting increasingly better at not assuming responsibility for every whim of her’s, i.e. better at not worrying about ‘what if it doesn’t get done at all?’. Her life, her responsibility, especially in this matter where she’ll have to react to occurences the sooner or later, and rise to this task. It’s a magnificient lesson and one that I think may wake her up, sts, from her state of ‘what am I to do, what choices must I make?’. Of choices there will be many up ahead, and thought she may try and back out of them, she’ll be forced to make them. I myself have often put myself in those situations, of leaving myself with no choice so as to force myself into reaction. Usually in denying myself something; in this case she’ll have to deny herself not to have to make a choice. You see, this is exactly what has bothered me and brought about, ninety percent at least, the anxiety I’ve felt about this premise, of having a child; that I’d have to make the calls, all of them. Yet, as time has progressed in our relationship, with all those concerns I’ve harbored and gone through sleepless nights over, I’m getting better and better at quite simply letting the sleeping dog lie. Her reactions of dispair and frustration, I feel myself reacting less and less to them; as I never achieved the kind of response to my aide I had wished, I seem to have just let them increasingly pass. Went for a walk with sis and talked about these things, and that proved a great reassurance of the above thoughts and the choices made so far. Was good of her to take that time out, really did me good to confirm the backing I’ve got in her. Am cautious of using her, but she dismisses this, thankfully. Only hope I’ll be able to repay her, some time. Talked with mum, also. Always one for wishing the best for her kids, she does not hide that she’d rather seen two years or more pass before a pregnancy. Still, if that’s a genuine concern, she hides it well. As she should, i.e. Good to talk to her again, she reassures there’ll be sufficient financial help if ever needed, and coupled with the even to this date unrealized potential of their love and support, I feel as fortunate as I could possibly be. Never left alone in a hot spot – who wouldn’t feel lucky with this kind of arrangement. ~~~ In this fashion the week, my last holiday week of the Summer, passed. Would’ve liked to have been able to join the folks for a few days, but with the girlfriend not feeling well was thus unable. Will try and get back there as soon as possible. Now it’s back to work for yours truly, putting together the programme for the Autumn’s projects. Welcome the change from idlying. Though, before as much, tomorrow’s Sunday. Will finish wallpapering the bedroom, an on-going project for some three days now, to limited succes. Will do good to put some paint on top of it. Enough said, really. Have begun preparations to clean up the ole’ harddrives, will see to that as well. Other than that, should just lie back and prepare to join the downhill racers once more. Sunday. Am hoping for a quiet day.

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