13-10-2003

Girlfriend still away on her holiday with her folks. Make good use of my time in tending to the apartment, i.e. carrying stuff down into the basement for safe-keeping. Sorry, had no room for you, will try to fit you in later on. Look around myself and the place’s half the size of the ole’ one, but still a trifle better in the surroundings and general look and feel. And there’s everything’s needed, beside, so who’s complaining. Seven big ones a month, gee. Had not the girlfriend picked up half that tab I doubt I’d be taking it so well. Will send her some flowers tomorrow, try to impress her with my romantic side and just to let her know I love her dearly with all my heart and soul. There, so I said it. Shit, guess I’m committed. Probably good timing, what with the baby coming and all, come to think of it. ~~~ Project’s coming along at a nice pace, though of course what’s gained in speed is spent on rewrites later on. It’s good to be writing again. There may be a therapeutic side to it; “You won’t have to give up all this and alla that when two becomes three”. Letting myself know I might pick it up from anywhere I left it, possibly? Am quite sure that’s part of the reason, to say the least. Can’t be bothered by it much; everyone needs a hobby, mine seems to be keeping various projects in the air. Forever, it seems, unsure which one to commit myself to, in which area at least one thing will be permanently fixed in my life when I’ll be a father. Did I mention the ultrasound-scanning, at the hospital? Quite fun and interesting to see this little thing inside of my beautiful pregnant girlfriend, heartbeat and all. The jury’s still out on the sex: am past caring, as long as the kid’s healthy as they come. Some 9½ inches long at this stage, apparently, so there’s a lotta growing to do before the time comes. A fun experiences, this. Me, I’m doing better with every day, it seems. About all of these conflicting emotions, even though I still can’t say for a hundred percent certainty that I’m at total ease with the concept of becoming, well, dad, I can tell from the increasing kind of dreams that I make up about what that particular title indicates that I’m sure as shit better equipped to deal with it now than half a year ago. Stuff like playing with the boy, singing the girl to sleep, so on and so forth. Hope those feelings grow on me; would like them to, might benefit tremendously from them. All these things, the chores one has to do, I haven’t an inkling what they’re about and less of how to perform them, but I can most certainly see myself being a better, more experienced man because of them. Adds to my qualities as a man and to my knowledge of my World that will equip me to better react to – and with – those around me. ~~~ Work treats me well, despite being in the midst of the hurricane season, sts. A great number of projects depend on possibly more time than I have at my current disposal. Might op for some overtime, if needed. ~~~ Tomorrow Tuesday. Will try and get to work early so that I might leave equally early, get down to Esplanaden and hand in a printed copy of the first twenty-five years of this journal to the printer who’s going to do a hopefully great job binding it for me. Will set me back some seven hundred or so, which I may add is far less than the two-three thousand I had thought it would cost. Will also be found at the Central Library, turning in the Spielberg Bio. Bad ending to it, incidentally; five hundred pages and the conclusion weighs only three, tops. That’s just not good enough. Oh, could see myself at a movie-theatre, if the desire so arises. Tuesday. Am hoping for a quiet day.

Advertisements