20-11-2003

Dumb day at work, really, truly. Somehow fucked up some data urgently needed by some client, for publication purposes. Won’t delve into the details; am not even certain as to what took place, or at the very least unwilling to admit to this. Caught me in a bad mood for most of this day. Even got back and alienated the missus, though a good part of that was by way of her hormonal inbalances due to her pregnancy: I should think, and she admitted to this, that I’m allowed to have a bad day as well as she. Now, aside from this was heavily annoyed by it all. I know that those who do not make mistakes are lazy bastards who never assume any responsibility. And I know that mistakes are here to be absorbed as learning material. Still I’m bothered by it; out of an increasingly carefree attitude towards the work I do, one attitude I do not enjoy hosting but have felt apply itself more so over the last half year than at any other time during my tenure, so to speak. Fact is, I’m getting increasingly restless with this job of mine, to the point I could easily see myself doing something else. For the heck of me I can’t see myself in opportunities where I’d be applying my skills obtained in education with this current position, and these skills stand to be left sadly behind if I should choose to disregard them for much longer to come. Main point is this, I’m bored with what I do and do not see any immenent changes to it, despite welcome reassurances by main man Karsten. I’m very fond of the place itself and the responsibility I’m given, but it’s plain boring to one who’s done the same thing over and over for four years, educated himself towards doing something else, more, but found alas too few opportunities for this. And it’s because of this that I fuck things up; remarkable I haven’t done worse by this time, just past three months of a constant flow of blatantly similar work. Simply out of being bored with it, and too easily letting go of my concentration when most needed. What to do? For now, nothing. Shit, hard times have fallen hard all around me for three years now, and until I sense some improvement over the half years to come I won’t be looking into securing alternate means of occupation any time soon, at least not as far as the regular forty-hours working week goes. But beyond that, well, of course owe Karsten some, and will go to him before any other. Let’s say I’m more open to new ideas and impulses. ~~~ Much of the above hopefully due to the immediate effect of the Thyco Brahe’s day. Tomorrow aim to be at a more positive frame of mind, which may have the effect of stopping the press and reclaiming the papers that have already gone out. Until then I’m allowed to harbor an unwillingness to find myself at the same spot of today’s miser. Friday. Will get out and obtain my lift from a kind sister and her boyfriend, to Malmoe where I’m set to join cousin Thor for some serious movie-screenings and possible a run ’round the city. Friday. Last day of the working week, praise the Lord. Am hoping for a quiet day.

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