25-11-2003

Spent a bit of the day pondering the kind of investment that is a child, brought into a family. Especiallly in lue of the kind of surveys and reports I read about in the papers these days, of how every other working man and woman suffers from stress and what have you not, out of not being able to find the kind of time they believe they need in order to maintain the kind of life they want. Need vs. want – that old, ancient conflict. And I must admit that I’m not exactly thrilled by these accounts of how it’s such an uphill race to make ends meet, where time is concerned. Thus I spend time I probably don’t have, wondering how aforementioned struggle could possibly return the investment made with it. And of course, out of ignorance and lack of experience, I fail to come up with an answer. How could I? – I haven’t an honest personal experience to cling to. I should probably make due with those of others’, until I stand a chance of committing those hopefully happy moments to memory myself. I think that’s what I’ll do. After all, there’s not so much time left to do these things, so I’d better get cracking if I’ll want to lean on other couples. Hear what they have to say about the whole thing. Am I right in being so damn scared about the whole ordeal? I guess I’m just being honest with myself. Yet I had hoped I would’ve fared better around this time. Remain a bit disappointed. Still; changes are made every day, and of course, the day nears every hour that passes. If I’m out for a conclusion as to the above, and that I am, it’ll present itself, in due time. Hopefully in such a way I won’t find a greater concern in selecting the reaction that need go with it. ~~~ Anticipate the return of an Internet-connection to this house-hold. Have been the worse for one throughout near two months, damn those slow motherfuckers at work, supposed to have given an order with the provider ages ago. The ninth, apparently, is the day. Well, look forward to it, much. Am still aiming at honing my social skills in a greater forum, which calls for the use of the kind of suitable media the World Wide Web remains. Two bloody weeks until the day, will try not and run amok through the city until then. It’s challenge, make no mistake. Similar in nature to having no toilet paper in the house. As best I can do for a suitable comparison. ~~~ In the evening out for my run. New sneakers about broken in around this time, they’re a sound investment, I think. Of which I’ve made quite a few this month, am down to a couple of hundred in the bank until pay-day, still a week away. When did I go off and spend so much money? Only hope I spent it on something worthy of the time it took me to earn it. Having to pay Ali – my Swedish tenant – one month’s deposit back did some damage, but as I’m near ready to put it on the market, hopefully in a matter of only a few months I’ll find little reason for any financial concern for a good long while to come. ~~~ Suddenly recalled an evening out on the town with Bo, some, what, year and a half ago? Remember a lengthy talk and drinks at some traditional wine-house around Kongens Nytorv. A fond memory, alas not all of the times spent in his presense have proven so. Am damn upset he should so choose to deem me disloyal to him, for having the temerity to socialize with people he himself would rather see the back of. What is it to him, whom I take to. Shouldn’t be so angry, but I guess I am. ~~~ Tomorrow Wednesday. Would rather have this working week move ahead slightly faster, and face a weekend of restitution and a bit of something that’s more on my mind than work, these days. The project, notably, and how it’s faring. To my utter satisfaction, which is not to say others may feel compelled to regard it with anything but dismay, but to me it suffices. Some eighty-two pages in, have just commenced the third act and writing in Danish for the first time in years seem to do me good. At least it’s good to know I haven’t forgotten how. It’s damn good, did I mention this?, it’s damn good to be at it again. Offers some healthy therapy, even though there’s – naturally, me being me – the concern it’s the last project I’ll ever find the time to undertake, given the imminent addition to the family, etc.! Recall Anders’ helpful advice and will remind myself, also, of how the girlfriend indeed faces a fifty-eight week(!) leave from her job; should secure me peace of mind as well. Anyways, drifted off the topic; good to be back at it. Has a nice feel to it, this one, and I hope the honesty in the writing and the caring for the characters have everything to do with the speed of which I’m writing it. Can’t offer any explanations otherwise. ~~~ Wednesday. Am hoping for a quiet day.

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