19-07-2004

Just briefly, this. Following one and a half weeks of hell trying to get our daughter to sleep, I deviced a way of having her keep her pacifier in, and she went to sleep without further ado. So this is on a jubilant note. Thankfully so, for the girlfriend was near her wit’s end; crying over the phone at work and such, I damn near feared she’d harm herself, or worse. But of course she wouldn’t. Brief talk with sis at her work, really really great to talk with her again, hear her voice ever familiar yet highly missed. When will I get the time to see her again, I wonder. Only hope it’ll be soon. ~~~ It’s the strangest half year of my life, and the one half that’s left of this dozen months is about to prove equal to the task. So many major – major – decisions, I’m barely throwing them a second glance, just… Waltzing through it all. Still have a clear idea of where to go from here, it’s just roughly the same, mentioned half year ahead. And in between that and now, there’s this bizarre task ahead. By far the hardest I’ve ever had to under­take, dreaded ever so beforehand, yet now I’m beginning to get to terms with it. And so I’m out to change myself again, this time also by my own call but certainly now with the aide of others, close to me. And it’s different, alright, a different feeling, different beat. Time never stood so still when I was out to reform myself. Or redeem myself, or whatever. Man, this is hard. I didn’t think anything could be so hard. The sacrifice, over­whelming. If I had had prior knowledge, I couldn’t’ve done it. Another time, another life. This one, i.e. ~~~ Tomorrow Tuesday. When in the cycle of working days, time works to my advantage. If I hadn’t had work… Won’t think that thought. Am hoping for a quiet day.

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