01-03-2005

Woke up to yet another four inches of snow. Well, ‘woke up’ would be an overstatement. Hardly slept, not for the lack of trying nor from a general abundance of sleeping hours. But for worries of a financial kind, which carried over in the physical world in the form of cold, utter cold in the cellar in which I sleep; as the furnace decided to put a stop to its activities and leave us in the lark, damn motherfucking thing. Actually had a guy out yesterday to check it out, only to have him flip the switch and surprise, the thing was working fine. Must now call him back and let him have a rather more serious go at it. Bothers me to a great extent, not exclusively on account of the prospect of couching up a hefty forty thousand plus to have the entire heating-system redecorated. There’s also the complaint-factor of the girlfriend to consider, plus – and more importantly, this – the time-consumption this will take. One more thing to keep me awake at night, time and the sheer lack of it. With but three and a half month until principal photography commences, I haven’t a clue as to how I could possible make that deadline. And looking out the window sure as shit doesn’t hand me fresh reserves of energy. Would rather like to seek out King Winther and cram my snow-shovel up his ass. The drearyness I feel stems from that, the arctic cold (truly, minus ten degrees celcius) and the seemingly never ending supply of it. So much to do, so little time… The pressure is breathing down my neck, cold gasps. Tomorrow will sleep upstairs, on the couch. Won’t buy me added hours of sleep, but at least I’ll be warm. ~~~ V did her seminar, I myself brought the kid up north, to visit with the folks. Took the top edge of the babysitting, and it was good to see them again. Equally good to be back. When she’s in this kind of mood, the young one, balling whenever her parents are ever so slightly out of sight, there’s no time spent to one’s own devices, none what so ever. And that drains one, more as one would think. I do so hope she’ll improve in this behaviour, and learn how to play by herself, at least for a quarter of an hour or so. For now she doesn’t seem to possess that curiosity-gene which has other kids her age sit still and interact with some object, a toy or what. She’s all about getting up and about, attempting feats she would not be able to perform without the aide of an adult. Talk about time-consuming, she’s the prize-winner. Should be harder on her; when she’s like this, we can’t leave the room to take a piss, for Christ’ sakes, without her crying for dear life. Even when one of us are in the room and the other one leaves, she’ll still cry out in frustration of abandonment! I love her dearly, but it remains surely hard to keep track of her, the daytime job, the project, and maintaining the house and my general economy, all at the same time. The above listed in the priority of which I’m able to allow them my time. I wish the priorities would be different. But for now it’s very hard to spot how they might change, even just a bit. All of them worries. A troubled time, you might say, and you would be absolutely right. ~~~ Tomorrow Wednesday. Am hoping for a quiet day.

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