17-01-2007

Sick as a dog today, though yesterday was the worse of the two. The young one suffers more than I, though, with a stomach-cold she can’t shake. Confined to the couch all day long, with an endless bout of Teletubbies on the tube. Sleeps most of the time, complains as if her entire body is bringing her pain, which, I guess, is probably the case, poor soul. V’s setting a primary example, though, of how to sleep it off, staying home from work to care for our girl but taking more than advantage of the secondary couch she’s pulled up beside the one occupied by our daughter, as opposed to doing something around the house. Which is a living mess, might add. ~~~ The distribution company bugs me about the DVD, which I take as a good sign, of them showing interest and getting prepared to send it off to the printing factory. Damn, that’ll be the day. Have tested it, the menues and so on, in our own DVD-player, as well as the computer’s player. Still need to have someone else test it for me (shouldn’t send it out having been solely tested by yours truly, that’s no kind of quality checking), and have to sit through it a number of times in order to adjust the subtitles and so on. Am not looking forward to that particular bit – have seen it an endless number of times – but will of course do it, no way around it. Well, if one’s a lazy soul, which I’m not. ~~~ Friday, January 19th, 2007.

She coughs and coughs, the little one, as if she’s ready to throw up every minute. And with every cough comes a whimper and a cry for ‘mummy’ (never daddy, but I’ve gotten used to it). I get so angry with her, with Vibeke, with everyone and everything, and why? Because I feel so utterly helpless, that’s why, because I realize I’m in a situation where I’m of no use and there is nothing that I can do that can make it better, all which remains is to wait it out. And I abhorr that, being put in a spot where I can’t move, can’t breathe, can do nothing at all, is left useless, helpless, out of the control loop. I’m not being control-freakish about it, merely stating the obvious that if I’m in a situation where someone near me is crying out for help, I want to be able to help that soneone, dammit. Not just sit there like some incomprehensibly incapable individual. But that is all I can do. I get so angry. They say anger is more useful than despair, well, that’s only partially true I know now. ~~~ Tomorrow Saturday. Am hoping for a quiet day.

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