09-10-2009

Worked from home – i.e. mum and dad’s – after attending grandma’ funeral yesterday. ~~~ A quite short funeral, I thought. Ashes to ashes, and all that. Cold church. Dad seemed somewhat uncomfortable, as if he wasn’t sure how to act. Couldn’t say how religious he is; he did sing, though, but perhaps spurred on by yours truly, who didn’t hold back. Helped carry the casket to the grave, I believe the second time I have done so? We do leave with nothing at all, do we not. I always had the impression of her as someone who’d been held back, mainly by the time she lived in. As with mum, I suppose. All that creativity in writing and sewing(?), a give-away of some ambition she never got to fulfill. At the wake I got talking with my cousin, Helle, whom I haven’t talked with for more than twenty years (and probably won’t for another twenty), and she brought up the notion of time speeding by when you have kids. And I thought of the last five years or so, and what I’d accomplished in that time? I can think of a few, luckily, and they all bring me great personal joy and allow me the thought of having done something with my time. I fathered a wonderful girl, worked my ass off to buy us a house and provide for my family, and I managed to write, produce and direct a motion picture, something which I’d always wanted to do. And I amassed a number of friendships I uphold to the day. And I created and still run a company, succesful to my own satisfaction. And there’s another completed screenplay nearing, and another kid for that matter. Trying to convince myself I’m not wasting my days away, but I can appreciate her valid of point how it should seem so, when you have kids. There’s little time to linger on anything, hence you look up one day and wonder where the hell the time went. Especially so, of course, at something so final as a funeral. From 30 and onwards, the years blur somewhat. Well, looking back at the past 5 years I have very few regrets, even to my own surprise. Not a lot I would’ve done differently, given the circumstances. I suppose I’ll be glad I have this journal to aide myself in reminiscence(?). Will spend a few minutes now, actually, going five years back in time. ~~~ Tomorrow Saturday. V and our girl arrives, look forward to that. Am hoping for a quiet day.

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