Tuesday, August 24th, 2010.

Tuesday. ~~~ Doing some data entering work whilst listening to music. Toto, i.e. I’ve heard recently that the sense of smell is the greatest catalyst for bringing back memories lost, well, ’twas always music with me. Because I served myself music while some rather big events in my life unfolded. With Toto, here I am back as a curious kid visiting his more experienced sister, in full relationship-blast boldly going nowhere. I wonder how much of this she recalls, probably more than she cares to. Given the Århus-incident. Perhaps more than she cares remains, who knows but herself. Talked with her on the phone this other day, what, half a year since? Ridiculous we don’t catch up more often. Why is this? ~~~ At a meeting with a City of Ringsted representative, Thomas. Talks of how and when this company of mine should evolve, they seem genuine about their desire to help so will go their route and try and open up to the experience of others. Could not hurt, and I’m not the clamb I used to be of some years back. Looking back I can appreciate why I should have seemed like a, well, fucked-up invididual. Emphasis ‘individual’, not much social interaction here. Well people change, do they not. I can’t speak on the how and when, everything in my life is just a point in time leading to the next item on the agenda. There is no standing still; the priorities float about in mid air for me to catch, my focus is here and now there. Confused, well not really, I just don’t think as much about stuff as I’m used to. Caught myself glaring down the road aimlessly whilst driving my kid to school, aware of my surroundings by way of my senses only, somehow detached. Not as dangerous as it would sound, still… ‘Detached’. No better word for it. I’m detached from my life as an individual, I exist to provide for my family and develop my company, there is nothing else, above or beyond as far as I can see. ‘How’, ‘when’, ‘where’; road signs I travel towards, with my motivation-GBS of family and prosperity for same guiding me. Is this sad? Well I’m kinda numb so can’t quite tell. I would love to justify it (so it is sad, since it requires justification?) by stating it’s only for a while and serves a higher purpose. I think I’ll refrain from calling judgment but for a few years. Maybe then there’ll be some music which will bring me back, and I’ll be better equipped at making a right-wrong verdict. ~~~ Tomorrow Wednesday. Back at UNI-C work. Am hoping for a quiet day.