January 24th, 2011.

Monday. Still the big issue is getting the kid to go to sleep around bed-time. He’s not willing, and I guess having two parents with two totally opposite mo’s won’t do wonders for him. I do not comprehend V’s way of going about it, it doesn’t make any sense to me at all. To keep a lot of lights on, to move around so he can hear her beyond the doorframe of his room, to have that music playing… Only the music bit makes a tiny bit of sense, but I’m not too keen on it either. The idea is that he’ll get to feel comfortable when he hears it, so for instance we’ll be able to visit with others and he’ll be able to fall asleep in a different place, well, there’s a bit of sense herein. But the other stuff, it’s nothing but illogical to me. If I were a kid of his slight age and I would want to go to sleep, I would want there to be a quiet atmosphere, not this light-show. And trying to soothe him by allowing him to hear us move about in the adjoining rooms is a no-go; of course, as he hears us, he doesn’t want to be stuck alone in his bed, he wants to be where we are! Makes no sense at all. I cannot see the harm in what I was trying to do, to perform the routine of a book and tucking him in, then turning out the lights and move to and fro as he cries, thus beyond a little waiting period letting him know we’re still there for him. Eventually he falls asleep on his own, and learns we do not have to be there and that a darkened environment equals it’s time to fall asleep to await the new day. Worked alright the evenings I tried it, but V’s having none of it as she cannot stand to hear him cry and deems me a tormentor of his tiny soul. So we do it her way, of course, and let’s see how long it takes before she gets upset and cries her woes of “I have no evening to myself, I have to be with him all the time” which I’m sure will eventually be the case.

Had an opportunity today to let her know I do no longer love her. Beyond a silly argument she asked of me why I stayed with her, and I was at a loss to explain why. Should have called it, there and then, but the girl was in the other room in a positive frame of mind, I couldn’t bear it to drop the bomb like that, havoc would have ensued. I simply wasn’t ready for the confrontation. When will I be? If ever? Too much noise right now, the kid is screaming his lungs out, can’t think straight. Another day, then.


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