July 11th, 2011.

Defrosted a supermarket pizza for dinner. That’s right, the kids and wife are out of the house, having driven to Billund Camping in that old piece of junk Skoda, which broke down on their way so I had to sprint to the repairshop and get a replacement and drive out and get them going again. Can picture them now, zooming down the highway in Jan the autoshop guy’s spare Toyota HiAce. Fun and games.

Would I be happy again if never I wrote a single line of script? A lot of pressure on myself will be gone, but will it take with it a part of me I’ll miss? There are, right here and now, so many things I need attend to, work and then some, the kids, the house, the logistics of all of said combined… There seems few of these times of being able to kick back, with the house empty and a few hours to kill. Put on a movie, and the pizza and picture will make for a great evening I’m sure. Even though I of course will feel guilty I’m not at work on a project yielding an income.

I hope I won’t end up a bitter man. There’s a danger in being creative and not finding an outlet for that creativity, at least I seem to crave that, I’m afraid. I want people to read my stuff, and listen to what I have to say. The danger is bitterness. I don’t want my kids to ask me, twenty years down the road, ‘did you give up writing because you didn’t have the time, because you were working and tending to us?’. Truth be told I haven’t a clue right now what I used to do when I didn’t have kids around, suppose I could back-track on these entries. I feel the ideas stirring inside of me, and the inclination to write them down is certainly there. But I shy away from it, because there wouldn’t be time enough to deal with them properly. And, for now, it’s not a great concern. But it might be, in the future. I dunno… I should perhaps surrender to a regular family life. I can’t be everything to everybody, least of all myself, so why not just be somebody to those I love, and be the provider they can count on. It’s the most important part of me, the family part. Let the future rest, rather than the past. Who knows what lies ahead, anyway.

Tomorrow Tuesday. Will get on a train and move towards Billund Camping, where is located the family and hangers-on. Am hoping for a quiet day.

 

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