September 21st, 2011.

I think I’´ll put a stop to writing screenplays. Altogether. Right at this time it doesn’t seem to fit a purpose: It doesn’t generate income, however much needed, and it takes away time when there’s not much of that available. I like it, yes, but it’s time away from my family and my jobs, and so it has to go in favor of higher priorities.

Am I saddened by this, well, not as much as I would’ve thought. Would I pick it up at a later time in my life, maybe, maybe not. It has been rewarding to me in the past, so there’s no reason it should not be so in the future. If, when time comes, I’ll feel like it.

I feel a lot like someone just going through the motions, I must confess. Riding the motorbike wakes me up at times, but other than that, well, no that’s it. Every day and every weekend is repetitions of the same. Most of it has nothing to do with how I would like to spend my time. It’s a peculiar situation: I love my wife and my kids, yet dislike my job and the commuting and the long hours spent caretaking my firm, our second and vital source of income. There’s not a lot of room for a ‘me’ in there. How selfish, I know. Apart from riding the bike and investing a bit of time in that – which is three rides in as many weeks, i.e. – what I spend my time on is not something I myself choose to spend it on, I spend it out of necessity to uphold the circumstances of our lives. So I work, play with the kid, try and remember the eldest, work some more, go to sleep, get up. Weekend’s the same, a bit less work and a bit more playing with the kids, but basically the same. I realize its merely these few early years; it was probably the same when K was small, I guess I should go back and check the entries around that time. So I hope I won’t remember too much of it, as sure as this day and age is truly nothing to write home about. Maybe it’s the dullness of the routines that finds me so empty and tired all the time. I feel like I could sleep for a long, long time.

Attending the company seminar thís day and tomorrow, a helluva drag. Three cups of coffee in and I’m still falling asleep, thus boring it is. But it’s a regular income, so who am I to protest. PTA meeting in the late afternoon, longest straw drawn. Things are, by all accounts, great for K at school, terrific. Have begun to do some of her homework with her, fun times now and ahead.

Tomorrow Friday, tgif. Am hoping for a quiet day.

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