November 30th, 2011.

December commences around the corner. V complains of her cough, for which she will undergo a CT scan tomorrow, as the hospital where she spent a few days because of her pneumonia found some minor abnormalities in her lung. Scares her shitless, this. So she talks of how I mustn’t be so hard on K when she’s gone, and how we should film some home movies of her playing with the kids. So they’ll have something to remember her by. What can one say to that? I have little in way of a response, other than, “let’s not hope it comes to that”. Secretly I’m happy her life insurance came through in the affirmative. I can see it from her side, sure, she’s been coughing at length for two years now. But, fuck, she eats way too much and way too unhealthy, she never exercies at all, she’s not too keen on cleaning house. She’s, in short, lazy in ways of taking care of herself. If I were her I’d rather focus my concerns in ways of current lifestyle-changes. I swear, the second she gets the thumbs up from the doctors, which I pray to God she will, she’ll be back to her usual ways, never stopping to contemplate the scare and if it isn’t time to do something about that inactive life.

All this death… I worry about my kids, worry constantly they’ll get hurt or die at a far too young age, don’t know how I’ll handle letting them go. I don’t wanna worry about V dying, or myself dying, or about her mother dying (the “tumor” she was on the phone crying about every day for two fucking weeks to V, only to find out it was just a water cyst). There’s too much talk about death, and not enough about life. I might go and spend a weekend with Dennis or Mads, or Thor, to get out from all this sickness and death-talk. Life is for the living. She’s so damn scared of life and what it’ll do to her if she takes it on. It roll downhill, that turd, down on the rest of her family.

Enough bitching from me. Should get in a merrier mood; after all, Christmas is just around the friggin’ corner. So I’ll dress up again this year, and we’ll do the family thing. I got my way this year, though, which will undoubtedly ease the pressure on all: ordered the xmas food from an established caterer, they’ll deliever on the 23rd and all that’s required is a simple warm-and-setup. That’s the show-stoper of previous years, the food, all the hassle that came with the lengthy preparations. Not this year, when it’s over I’ll pay myself on the back for that gem of inspiration.

Tomorrow Wednesday. The boss at my work – the regular one – “invited” me to talk about the status of my current tasks. Not something he does with everyone, yet I don’t feel special – he just wants to know if I’m actually working for my pay. Certified prick he is, incredibly out of touch with his staff. Should prove a fun meeting. Enough work in the evening to keep me busy, too. December; at least I’ll have a chocolate xmas calendar, nothing like that cheap German import stuff to keep your spirits high.


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