December 13th, 2011.

Money only leads to trouble, don’t it.

Taking heaps of flak, trying to sell the company. Fell into the clutches of a gangster, whom I lent the helm in trying to sell the firm. Turns out his M.O. is writing horrible letters to people when their offer seems unacceptable to him. And now when I try to get out of the deal, he charges me for make-believe add campaigns at grossly over-estimated prices. Figure I won’t put up a fight, because doing so is costly. And so he’s right. Screwing me into the ground, he is. Can’t say yet how it ends, but I can say this, it’s the most horrible situation I ever found myself in. Because I’m a hostage to this idiot, because I was so careless to throw away the contract. And he only works in paper, so there’s no e-mail copy. The single most dumb mistake I ever made. And I’m getting to pay for it.

Maybe this is atonement to my sins? For years, in trying to keep our economy and thus my family afloat, I ventured into the scanning market even though the very same company I work for works in exactly the same field. Grabbing customers they could’ve gained… Trying to justify it by claiming to myself I was doing it for the good of my family, which is true enough – but doesn’t exactly justify it. So, yes, I think this works as atonement. What goes around, comes around. Can’t say how it will end. Will keep my head down and try and play it fair to the above, to a certain limit.

I will never, ever again put myself in this situation. Of considering something to be atonement to a sin, where those sins should not have been committed in the first place. All for the common good of the household, but not good to my body and soul. I have toiled, and spent an eternity on what I have not wanted to spend my time on, first and foremost. And it has left a bitter taste in my mouth, and more pressure than I ever thought I would be able to endure. I’m tired from it, close enough to be even tired of life, wherefore I have it not in my to fight this guy – not under these premises. I’ll put up a struggle only if he tries to make a mockery of me. But let’s not hope it gets to that.

Many years from now I’ll look back and hopefully be able to smile about it. A learning experience it has been, and no-one can ever deny me that right. A lot of it I wish I would not have been part of, but for the most part I’m proud of the way I handled things, and dealt with the pressure. Now it remains to be seen if I can get out of, on my own. I hope it so.

Went for a job-interview for a very local job in developing different IT-related projects. Seems an interesting challenge, and I would love it if I was offered the gig. They all appeared as nice enough people, and the atmosphere was relaxed. And it’s so near by, just a hundred meters up the road, that’s in every sense perfect. Felt I did a good interview, so let’s see if they feel the same.

Christmas nears. Got V a new credit card with a picture of the kids on the surface, hope she’ll like it. Ordered the food in, did I mention this. Should make for a smoother Christmas, when dear mum-in-law won’t have to work so hard on the food.

Tomorrow Wednesday. Am hoping for a quiet day.


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