December 23rd, 2011.

Near concluding the Robert Redford biography. What an energy to him! Didn’t know that. And very committed to a great many different, highly commendable causes. To his family, not so much. The drive, the focus, on the career and the causes, not social relations or, most importantly, the family. I suspect they suffered. They always do. I’m beginning to lean toward the notion that those who change the World by some sad necessity must fail their families or fail their causes; it’s all I ever hear. Maybe there simply is no other way around it. Maybe, in order to change the World, we must enivitably prioritize downwards our loved ones. All for the greater good. I suspect I won’t be the one who’ll move on to change the World, then. I could not down-prioritize my family even if I wanted to, I would not be able to handle the guilt. If indeed the theory is correct, it’s the saddest thing. From where I stand, and remain, it’s sad. Family first and foremost – which is why I should feel such regret of working so much to support them, but remaining aloof precisely because of that time spent away from home, from them. Things will improve, no doubt, in the next year or two. No matter what, I will add to my own benefit that either of my wonderful kids respond well to me, I’m no stranger and whem I’m with them I’m at ease and not caught up in different projects, rather tuned to their presence and demands, and the requirements of me as their father. No guilty conscience there, which is very consoling.


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