January 5th, 2012.

 

January is here. The snow isn’t – I’m very grateful. ‘Tis for kids, grown-ups do skiing holidays. I read that as many as 600.000 danes travel for the snowy conditions – each year. That’s a staggering sum of people. And money.

 

Speaking of which. Troublesome client won’t pay what they owe, citing an older offer I gave before their job turned much complicated. I’m no so bothered about it as my body would have me believe, upon learning of it; stomach turns to stone, I start to tremble, my hands are shaking… I’m never prepared for moments such as these. So I’m starting to think I’m doing myself good in turning away from the ways of company business. I think I’m too emotional to be doing that, calling the shots in a business world. Whenever someone tries to screw me over, which thankfully have been few and far between, I take it so to heart, I cannot believe people would do this and live with doing it. But some do, even a really great job at it, being assholes. Some have been brought up by parents who have done nothing but argue in front of the children, or a mother has kept her children from their father because she was jealous about his new girlfriend after their diverse, or a father has been violent before his kids or wife. And all that becomes a way of their living, fighting or being self-centered or violent to mean an end becomes natural, because that’s how their parents did. These are the ones with no business-like conscience, they don’t give a shit about the future dealings with those they screw over. Business-partners become like pieces on a game board, not people with feelings and a heating heart. Well, I can’t do that, I’m too benign-spirited and believe too much in the good of others. Which is why my hearts beats like a battering ram whenever someone tries to screw me over, which is why shouldn’t run a business, and soon enough won’t. Met with that guy, Jan, from the printing shop he owns, struck a handshake-deal with him and believe he’ll honor it. But I won’t be surprised if he bails on me, though…

 

Learned a lot about myself, these last few years. Most I’d like to keep. Yet too much of it I’d do differently, given a second chance. Too much, anyway, to go on being the entrepreneur. Time to get out.

 

January, it’s good to get started. V tells me she thinks it’ll be a great year, I think it’s swell she feels that way. Positive thinking ftw! Tomorrow she’ll engage her daughter and mum on a ‘cruise-ship’ of sorts, namely the Copenhagen-Oslo ferry. Two-night sleep-over, I’ll be tending to the little one meanwhile. Hope she’ll have her batteries recharged. I agree with her, I too think it’ll be a really cool year. It’s really great she feels that, really great. Have been waiting for a long while for that kind of spirit. She’s still coughing, but her doc reassures her, and thus me. Still she goes on about that part in my journal that I had her read, my declaration of love. Notably, alas, the part where I wrote ‘despite her laziness’…. So perhaps I shouldn’t have had her read that, for all the best of my intentions. She took it to heart, though, and have been cleaning the house up and down for the last few days, good stuff. I don’t, actually, think she’s that lazy, it’s just that when you’re occupied 24×7 with stuff that’s not what you’d really like to do, one tends to think of those who do seem to have the time to do what they would like to do as lazy. So that was just me being jealous. But I can appreciate she would feel annoyed about it. To clarify, when she reads this next, I don’t feel she’s lazy. Only a little, little, tiny bit…

January. 5 degrees celcius – plus! Can’t ask for more than that.

 

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