November 10th, 2012.

If I had all the time that I wanted to have, would I do right by it? I find myself without much sense of direction, these days. About the only thing I can think of, that I do with that time I have, that’s useful and purposeful – besides the very obvious one of raising my kids, which is incidentally by far the greatest task in my life –  is to take some of that time and see my friends. That’ll prove a worthy investment. Other than that I don’t have a clue as to what is up and what is down, and I wonder how that could be. Because I was such a late bloomer, is one possible explanation. If I had figured my shit out some several years earlier than I did, would I be so restless now, given further years in which to fulfill my interests? Who knows. I feel overwhelmed with tasks and chores. This house, this job, these projects… It’s so hard to be patient, these days, and I get easily angry with myself for not (having the time to) following through on what I start, or even only have in mind to start. The schemes may be grand, but the soul is unprepared and I end up just going through the motions.  I dunno… I should just take things one at a time and not start, or think of starting, new things. But the ideas just keep coming, and I want to reward myself for all my work. I wanna do all the things I wanted to do when I couldn’t for the past 5 years, because I was working two jobs. But I can’t do that, because I’ve over-estimated the amount of time I would have at my disposal.

Ah, to hell with it.

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