May 31st, 2014

Seems it’s only a month ago that I was worried about Putin unstabilizing the World, with the Ukraine-situation. But now it’s in the background, and everyday headlines takes over once more. But I’m not letting it go that easily, I won’t. Not while I have a family to care about. There are many of these men and their conflicts about, many national interests we’ve never heard of but might potentially shift the balance, that seems so frail at times. Am reading ‘Spycatcher’, by Peter Wright, and its’ stories of war-time leaves me to wonder if we’ve seen the last World war, or if I, or my boy, will some day find the World so instable as to provoke another. And what that would be like.

Struggling to find something to do with my time. Made a half-hearted attempt at invoke some enthusiasm for my old hobby, electronics, but will probably leave it at that. ‘Hobby’… I should just submit to reading books. I want to undertake some of what I dream to do, but then I realize I won’t be able to surrender any meaningful dedication towards it, and what’s the World to gain from me undertaking it, anyways? I am failing at doing something just for the sake of having done it, of having fun. Even today, with V and the kids out of the house for a couple of hours, I build a LEGO-castle and, sure, it was fun for a while, but it didn’t really do anything for me and, besides, Nico laid it to waste as he got home. So I guess he got some out of it, which was great, it certainly triggered his imagination. But, still… I really should just resort to reading some more books, shouldn’t I.

Money remains an issue, in as much as there’s not much left of the jar-savings, i.e. the money I put in a coffee-jar from selling a lot of my stuff. At one point there was 15000 in there, now there’s only 3000. Went to birthday-presents, for the dog’s vetenarian bills, for whatever. It’s no longer there, and I wonder what will happen when it’s empty and V won’t have that safe-house to go to… Will read some more books and try not to think about it much.

I sometimes wonder how I managed to spend near ten years of my life, from beginning my studies in 1993 to concluding them in 2001. What the hell happerend there? The air-force and Hollywood surely accounted but for two of those… I guess I could read these entries and find out. Sometimes I wish I’d been more ambitious, back then. Oh well.

Tomorrow Sunday. V’s off for a some modern lifestyle-course she bought herself and her girlfriend Anja, her cousin’s wife. So I’ve got the kids to myself throughout the Sunday, it seems. Gotta find a way to activate them, somehow. Am hoping for a quiet day.



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