September 28th, 2014.

Many more thoughts of a change in job-scenery. The finances neccessitate it – that’s the way it is. Does it bother me? To an extent; if I were rich enough, I wouldn’t think of quitting, it’s a nice setting and the colleagues are alright. But I can’t support my family on this. So it is what it is. Wonder what dad would make of it. Don’t really want to call and find out, he’d get worried and start pouring money into my account, and that’s not right. Singular donations I gladly accept, but not if they cost him sleep. But I do wonder, about the pressure he must’ve felt. Particularly, of course, at the time of his stroke. That’s – at least – not where I’m at. But I surely sympathatize, not the least with myself. If V’s down on herself for not being available to the job-market, then so am I on account of not being able to support my family well enough. It goes to the heart of a man’s sense of self-worth, challenging his masculinity. I guess so does needing to have your spouse frequent the job-market; “she has to, because we need two incomes, for apparently my sole on is not adequate.” It’s just a bunch of penis-measuring bullshit, isn’t it. In some ways, yes, I think the government is emasculating us, the male population: The state takes over as the principal maternal influence, and we’re left to fight for crumbs. It ain’t right. I wonder what Tennesee Williams would’ve come up with.

I’m thinking I’ll vote whole-heartedly liberal, next time around.


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