March 13th, 2017.

Slapped with a 20K tax bill, Jesus Christ. Didn’t see that one coming, but it’s the result of working overtime en masse. So, in the end, that’s what 273 hours adds up to. Well, I guess I’ve financed with new bathroom and more with it, keeping my powder dry – not going to the bank – and I’m at least thankful I actually have that money in my account (although it will then be depleted). I’d hate to give that buffer up – but I do have another one, don’t I, and besides, maybe there’s still ways I can make some dough. I really should start a company again, shouldn’t I. Took me some days to get over it, but am feeling positive again. Grateful that V got some 5K back, to be best invested in her dentals – won’t have to cover that, now.

Out running with K, as she didn’t wish to attend soccer-practice but I thought she should do something besides lie in bed and draw. Good jog; we’ve done a few of these and it’s always great, she talks a lot about her dreams and inspirations and I’m at least feeling like I’m in the loop. She’s into these 8-bit-like games and guides me towards obsscure Ron Hubbard and Margin Galway-like soundtracks I’ve never even heard of. Have subscribed to her Instagram-account, wherein she publishes her drawings (plural!). I think it’s cool that she’s doing it, notably as it a very healthy exercise in starting and finishing projects – that’s a great think to learn, and if you learn it at an early age there’s no limit to what you can accomplish.

Tremendously plagued by thoughts of changing jobs. But I just did, not even half a year ago! Now this other position beckons, an opening with the Danish Film Institute, as a back-end developer. If only I’d seen it earlier – should I go for it or not? It’s the promise of a colorful workplace coupled with full autonomy, really ticks a lot of my boxes. I can easily sell it to myself, but what I have now seems like security, and has become familiar. And not much time to mull it over, too… Why can’t I settle down, already.

March 9th, 2017.

Stepped out with Dennis last evening, was great seeing him again over a big pint. Talked about some of his projects, and how he yearns for his apartment to be done so he might take some of them on. Dennis as his usual, I guess. He works hard, though, but far from the stressful times of old. Saw ‘Logan’ at the Cinemaxx, somewhat bloody spectacle! I should take a break from these action-movies, they don’t really do anything for me anymore.

Worked from home for the first time with my new employer; decent day in which to do it. Didn’t get much done, truth be told. Had a dentist’ appointment in Ringsted in the middle of the day, too, and seized the opportunity to ask V out, so after my very brief look-see with Glen the Dentist we sat down at a local café. Kinda sad that I’d steal away from the work-day to fulfill completely individual obligations, but, hey, the government wastes billions on useless trains and IT-systems that never function – I feel as if they can indulge me this one time! So decent outing, and the teeth turned out fine, too.

Got a call from an old colleague, Thomas Lange, in need of some coding-assistance. Happy to help if I can, doesn’t seem like a big project either. Sat down with it in the evening, having just tucked Nicolas in – and an hour later he’s awake because he’s not feeling too well. Immediate flashback to when I was running my own company and always – constantly – in danger of missing some deadline, and K was sick all the time and V was running low and I’d fight on all those fronts at the same time… Thankfully these days are more blessed. I wouldn’t wish to go back to that again, not ever.

 

March 7th, 2017.

V’s rather busy these days, as she’s briefly taken over a colleagues – yes, authors do have those – writing-class in Holbæk. So I’m home from work early, taking care of the kids. Thankfully there’s minecraft on the PCs and burgers in the fridge. Yup, 3 days down from his birthday-party we’re stilling feasting on the left-overs, and will be for days to come. Bodes well for the food-budget, I guess. Now that the trampoline is up I guess there’s that, too… Both kids were out for an hour yesterday, makes for great sleep afterwards. K didn’t really have it in her to go for soccer-practice, so instead I took her for a run, good for both of us.

 

March 6th, 2017.

It’s a beautiful day to go to work. Dark on the outside, light when one emerges from the commute. A bit of setting sun in a months’ time and we should be set for a glorious summer.

It’s simply astonishing what memory holds. I just now, in looking for a specific key on my computer keyboard, had a flashback to looking down and reaching for it – when as a child I was learning how to type on those old typewriters we practiced in school, some 30 years ago!

Working the Sunday… Essentially trading family-time for work-time, in the anticipation that I’m putting time in the bank for myself, for later. In the realization that I’m burning out family-wise, not work-wise. I spend much too much time with him, N, and this is a practical way to alleviate that. Perhaps ’twas his colorful birthday-party that set my mind at ease about it, though there is indeed an urgent need to work overtime on account of the deadlines of this project I’m at. He’s constantly looking me up when I’m at home, in the know that I’m available. I can’t bring myself to tell him no, so it really is the best of options: he wins, as time without dad has him needing to come up with something himself to do. I win, abovementioned. V, well, let’s say she wins too, in that my overtime brings money in the bank or time left for finishing the new bathroom and kitchen. At least that’s how I’d present it.

Reading ‘Homo Deus’, by Yuval Harari. Have his ‘Sapiens’ on my reading list, and should have probably done away with that first, but couldn’t stop myself. His latest is on looking onwards to our coming marriage of man and machine, brain and AI, in search of God-like capabilities and status. He’s right on every account, methinks, and it’s a really good book, the best of the year so far. Oh, did finally manage to publish my own. Self-publishing ftw!

K’s opened up an Instragram-account, to show her efforts in drawing. Good stuff – building a portfolio over the course of her life won’t harm her. Her descriptions of the works are flawless English – her command of that language will prove indispensable to her in the years to come.

March 2nd, 2017.

I do sometimes wonder where this sense of urgency comes from, that I seem to constantly uphold. Ever worried that I’ll lack behind, that there won’t be time enough to do what I wish to get out of life, that I’ll end up in the back of the queue. I think perhaps it’s from a lack of self-confidence; I was always out to prove myself, wasn’t I. ‘Fastest typist’, ‘running furthest’, so on and so forth. Well, I guess it keeps me honest and on my toes, though it’s likely also the reason I would retire from this regular nine-to-five instantly, provided the adequate financial means. I suppose I could consider myself lucky; it’s a harsh business-world out there, and the laid-back fares of old won’t cut it anymore. And so in always striving for more I uphold my street-value, so to speak.

Still doesn’t mean I’m not apt to ‘retire’ in a few years’ time, though…

February 27th, 2017.

A weekend to not entirely forget. Got half an hour to install some plumbing on the Saturday, then Sunday spent 3 hours the local library, studying behaviorism and its variants. Those were golden; will do it next Sunday, too. The smell of a public library, any public library, is magnificient in how it takes me back to my youth, and beyond that to a place of inner reflection and focus. I trust I’ll always find time to go to them, whereever they may be found.

February 24th, 2017.

I really do like long shadows. There is so much history in them; of potential fulfilled, of a day spent in fruitful labor, of the evening break upcoming. I look at them and reckon that I’ve done my days share, and that the family is waiting upon my return, usually true. Particularly the long shadows of trees get to me. I want to wait for warmer weather and lie down at the foot of them, with a book in my hands and not a wind to turn the pages. And V beside me.