Picked V up from her writing-class, that she teaches every Monday. Last time, though, for this season’s sake. Don’t know what she does to those kids; they’re always showering her with wine and chocolate every time it’s the lsat class of the year. Got there early, and had to wait for a spell. This on the first floor of the central elementary school, overlooking the city hall and what used to be the post office, fire station behind it. I do somewhat envy her that class. I always said I wanted to end my career by teaching, and I so do hope I will, and I hope it will preferably include community work. There’s so much can be said for backing the community up, and I feel as if I’ve always benefitted from the community but not given much back into it, having been busy working and raising kids. But my time will come, I trust.
Came back from work and there’s the wife playing soccer with N in the back yard. Stone tiled, and it’s wet, and as he jumps over the ball he damn near steps on it instead. And just then the horrible image comes to me, of him falling down, and breaking the back of his skull against the stone. That’s a horrible risk of brain injury, even possible fatal. The image stayed with me through the evening, even night.
It’s such a brittle life. There’s always the scare of having had kids, only to loose them to some irregular fatal incident. It’s a fear that’s been with me throughout, and likely will until the end of my life. I so hope that I’ll die first, no parent should survive his children. I know my life would go on, but it would never be the same. I also know it’s not possible to isolate them, nor life in this constant fear. So I refer it to the back of my mind, from whence it sometimes – as above – creeps forward.
There really is just luck, and hope, in this fragile world. And we live off it every day, every heartbeat.
Weekend, weekend. V was off to see some friends in Copenhagen, and the kids needed chauffauring around town. Didn’t get much done. Apart from planting some of my leftover strawberry plants in the nearby woods, hoping they’ll spread. Picked up N from his duties (birthday), and drove to the city to pick her up, V. Then back and some more child-caretaking and that was pretty much that for the day. Sunday went to work for a spell, so as to get away for a short while. Programmed away, whilst updating myself on the French election. Not possible to yet tell the outcome. Europe seems to be unravelling. Know the Germans will always try to hold it together, but at what cost…? Hope all’ well in a week or so. After all, the Dutch didn’t go full extremism, did they.
Holiday done and dusted. Had a terrifically good time; got lots of work done on the house, and watched a couple of decent movies – ‘Sicario’ stood out, but ‘The Social Network’ and ‘The Accountant’ were good ones, too. Most notably, I installed the upstairs shower; so now the family bathes upstairs, whilst I bathe downstairs. Magnificient; got so tired from always picking up towels from the floor, what not. Now it’s all mine, baby, and wasted little time in cleaning it out and establishing my domain. Will need a hefty make-over, but in due time it’ll be a manly bath for sure.
Now that’s done, it’s time to focus my efforts in a different direction: in a month and a half there’s a course I’ll need to do, and I’ll need to perform. So I’d better start preparing for that. Other than that, well the Summer will soon come knocking. Thus a lot of gardening and what not.
But, yea, good holiday. Felt like a holiday, I mean a real holiday.
Good to visit with the folks again. Talked at length, and saw a few movies with the old man. “Bullitt”, the better one. Did some jigsaws, played yatcy. And he had gotten hold of a hundred things for me, including a chess-game that I came back and promptly played with N, good stuff. Drove ’round town looking for books. And came the Sunday, Stig and Dorthe came by – they’d been up North anyways – and picked me up, so saved 50% on the return train-fare, thank you very much.
And now there’re a few quiet days, as V’s on Funen with the kids. So I’m doing stuff – setting up the new shower-stall, mending a broken fence, repairing a chair with a loose leg. So on, and so forth. Watching some movies. Taking my time. I’ve waited quiet a while for this, and will enjoy it while it lasts. It doesn’t take much, enjoyment. A movie will suffice. There will always be another movie, won’t there. I’m beginning to sense that life is short, and that maybe I won’t have time to do all I want to do. Because I have commitments that I won’t be able to honor if I were to throw caution to the wind. And, well, it doesn’t bother me as much as it once did, that realization. For I have these little moments to myself, where a decent movie or a few illustrious pages of a memoir, or watching a television show with V – and they’re moments to cherish, and I’m beginning to sense how I should indeed do that, and do it more often.
Got up early, fiveish, to catch a train to Jutland. Slept throughout most of the trip; had been anxious about not getting up in time, and thus didn’t get enough rest as it were. So barely noticed Funen and Southern Jutland passing me by. No problems in any direction, made it to Viborg in due time and dad picked me up. Went to the dentist; felt good to be back in regular surroundings, I must say. New dentist, but no bullshit, I liked her. Mum and dad, well they’re mum and dad of always. Did a small drive with dad, and later in the day he proudly showed me the stuff he’d gotten for me, and V and the kids, at the local thriftshops. So I donned a shirt a size too large for me, but there’s no complaining when he means it so well, is there. Even tomorrow will go book-shopping, too. Good to see them again. After dinner, cake, ice-cream, chocolate and a movie, well there’s no complaining about that either. And then V wrote of having just learned about a grant of 50k from the Government art-fund, by way of that application that I sat her down to – and rather painstakingly so – write one evening, a quarter year ago. Man, she was hard-wired to not wanting to go that tiny mile towards a potentially great reward – and now it’s in the account. I’m patting myself on the back here, I know, but if it weren’t for yours truly that money would have simply not have found her, and us. So, well done, Sir, well done.
“The future doesn’t have to be the way it was”. Read that in some article, and it struck a chord with me. Had to turn it around a few times, too. How true.
“Time waits for no man” sums up my creativity here and now. Have ideas a’plenty and not really the time to move on them. And, as always, I’m concerned I won’t, until it’s too late and they’re picked up by others. Well, some will and some won’t – it’s a big world and somewhere there’s a guy who’s bound to get the same idea, if not already. So? I’m not here complaining, at least not too loudly. Much worse would be to have and get no ideas at all.